striving to love oneself

This is going to be one of my shortest posts. Reason being I want to touch an issue that has touched almost, if not, all of us. It is my take that at a certain point in our lives we have gone impossible lengths and heights, all in the name of love. This is all good when the love is attained and works out to the good because all that we would have striven for would be achieved.

The issue comes we the striving returns lemons, this is when the angelic lovers become self-centred monsters who would not flinch at hurting feelings to satisfy their ego. When this happens, most of us withdraw into shells, become disheveled, unkempt and recluse. We become a pale shadow of all the good that we stood for. We console ourselves by drinking the poison of bitterness and denial and even when we are easier apologising, we choose to make fools of ourselves by being adamant in self-righteousness.

At times when love is not requited we choose to bottle our hurts and emotional injuries. The problem with bottling issues is that bottling is never meant to be a permanent solution. This is the same premise that causes manufactures of bottled contents to put a BEST BEFORE DATE. The fact is, containing rage , storing hurt , harboring bitterness only leads to self implosion and we are left none the better.

There is no way we can love without first loving ourselves. There is no way we can appreciate another person’s cleanliness if we do not know the ritual and practice of taking a bath. It is the same with love, for the love to be appreciated when coming from another quarter, I believe it must first be cultivated and be practiced in oneself.

I am convinced that not so much love would be lost if we first loved ourselves first and knew the cost of love before attempting it on another being. No being that loves themselves will harm , injure , deny , abuse or put selves at risk etc, this comes as a realization that if I love myself I will fight for all the self-preservation I can attain.

When we love our selves we maintain our dignity, watch our step (and mouth) and strive for the best. So my argument will be that all that seek to love someone else must first love themselves so as to understand the implication of love.

As the sun rises tomorrow , only a soul that loves itself will know the cost and implication of reaching out and loving someone , otherwise it is all in vain.

The price of freedom

Freedom has something or everything to do with being free. Being free to make choices, live our lives and enjoy the freedom. Freedom has a badge that says one has made a decision to be responsible for self and will not consciously seek to hinder another person’s freedom by embellishing their own.

Freedom is an enigmatic development that is a bad master. When we cannot master our freedom we run the gauntlet and at the end of it we find ourselves no freer, but slaves again. Therefore one cannot be entirely free and live to enjoy it without realizing and mastering the confines of their freedom.

Freedom is an excellent byword but an ugly password. I have seen people abuse liberties in the name of freedom. Nations have plunged to the lowest depths of immorality in the name of self-induced liberties. Societies find themselves with no moral fibre to stick them together because its inhabitants deem themselves too free to stick with others.

We have used freedom to live broken lives , we have cut communication lines citing being free enough, we have defied nature and all odds of common sense on grounds of being free, but freedom cannot bring slavery, so is the animal that we defensively raise to our defence when we are called to account really freedom?

What is freedom when our children cannot be subject to the same discipline that made us who we are today? What freedom is the choice to terminate a pregnancy conceived in a one night stand in a bid to assert independence? What freedom is the choice to indulge in activities destined and only marked for the marital bed? What is the freedom when we seek overnight riches by robbing the dead and starving the orphans and widows?

I have come to a conviction that all embellished freedoms have limits. When still staying with my parents I was free to be out as long as I like – as long as I was in their house by 2000hrs!! Henry Ford gave everyone the freedom to buy a Ford of their colour – as long as it was black!! Every facet of freedom has a mirror perspective and only fools will take their freedom too far to the extent of it enslaving them.

We cannot be free to destroy ourselves, we cannot be free to refuse to obey, we cannot be free to rebel against norms, and it cannot be called freedom. Yet we cannot be free to abuse our liberties, opportunities, chances, blessings and priviledges. When we become so free that our liberties master us then we are worse than slaves.

When the sun rises tomorrow , check your freedom mirror , for all the freedoms granted you , master them and not let them enslave you for there is nothing as disgusting as one enslaved by the abuse of their freedom.

Wiki-leaks: our weak links

This week has been one of serious blushes in many corridors. To make it worse, tabloids of all kind have really let loose on the revelation of what people have been saying about each other in some assumed secrecy. The juice is in the fact that what has been said in private is in total contrast to what some have been parroting. It is no doubt that the last batch of Wiki-leaks is going to cause tremors, tremors that will cause some landscape shifts, but what really is the matter??

The matter is not in the revelation of whispers for the good book has it clear that even what shall be done in darkness will become clear. The matter is not in the manner in which the matters leak and ooze into public domain. The matter is not in the medium of transmission. Nay, in all these is not the axis of our weaknesses.

The fulcrum of our weaknesses is in believing in secrets and trusting beyond the word trust. It is my take that all the people being laid bare today would have nothing to worry about if they had not believed in secrets. I believe that the reason they spoke in secrecy was to justify their actions or to curry favours but the problem is that when the morning after came, they would not boldly utter the same vowels spoken in the secrecy of yester night.

All of us have secrets. We have things we do not want known. We have habits that we wish could go away. We have skeletons that continue to jiggle their hips in our faces. We have pasts that continue to haunt our present. All of us have issues, but how the secrets affect us depends on how truthfully we handle them. A man who faces his past has no fear of any of his whispers being made public because he stands steadfast in what he said and is not afraid to speak his whisper loudly.

All of us have Nicodemus moments, but the key to these issues is to be able to acknowledge your faults and soldier on. What guts most souls is their bid to hide live toads under the hats they are wearing. It is an obvious fact that eventually the toad will either jump out, or you will squash it onto your head or it will emit some fungous liquid on you: all this will simply work to cause a stir and embarrassment on one’s part.

No one owns their secret. In as much as we might try to hide every act of ours that we feel is not for public consumption, it is an inevitable fact of life that SOMEONE is always privy to your dark act. From the doctor who performs the illegal abortion (and yet next Sunday one sings their voice shrill at the church choir and we are none the wiser), to the hotel receptionist who sees all the illicit combinations sneaking to consummate immoral lust under night’s cover, to the maids who observe the comings and goings of the numerous ‘uncles’ etc. these sources are silent observes who see, store and later on remember our dark moments.

So the next time you whisper a secret, the next time you speak a word that you cannot utter publicly, know that you are creating a weak link for yourself. A link that will eventually come to clink and give away your public mask for your wiki-leak mask. It is noble for a man to whisper what he is prepared to shout from the roof top, failing which , it is even nobler for a man to keep his silence which the old sage swears, is golden.

Tomorrow, as the sun rises, take a look at the mirror. If the whispered image is good enough to be the published image then you have no fear of the weakness leak.