Inner peace

Good morning all. Thank you for keeping touch with the blog. Of late I have been pondering on the things people say and why and how they say them.

This is on the background of having been a recipient of very strong hurtful words which cut deep to the soul’s bone ( if the soul has a bone! !).

From that I learnt a few things.

1. It is true that none one can hurt you unless you give them the permission to do so.

2. It is true that bitterness is like drinking a cup of cyanide and expecting the other party to die.

3. It is true that at times words that hurt when spoken to us reflect the speaker’s hurting past or current condition.

4. It is true that seeking peace, that inner peace, even in the worst period of turmoil will leave you the better person.

From the above I learnt to choose to be the better person. It might hurt not to shout back or insult back or revenge the humiliation but you walk away with the honour of being the better person.

I choose, with great deliberation, to seek inner peace when all hell breaks loose. After all the Bible says:

The name of the Lord is a strong tower. Those who run unto it are safe. Proverbs 18:10.

Be blessed.

Waiting

But they that wait upon the  Lord  shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. (Isaiah 40:31 KJV)

Waiting is one thing most of us cannot afford to do. Lovers tell each other over the phone that ” they cannot wait to see each other”, students cannot wait for schools to close and for the exam results to be released , hospital receptions hold anxious persons awaiting to walk to the doctor’s rooms to hear the outcome of the laboratory tests undertaken on them.

Waiting is backed by expectancy. It is the anticipation of a bouncing bundle of joy that makes mothers to be to stay the nine months , put up with backaches, appetite and mood swings. All the discomfort is mitigated by the expectancy of blissful joy.

Waiting is underlined by the promise of better things. A person who waits at a bus stop has chosen not to walk the distance between where they are and where they intend to go. The promise of a bus and a seat on the bus are worth the wait because the option would be a strain on the body and exhaustion.

Waiting is centered on renewal. One cannot wait if it will not bring them better results. Listed companies issue cautionary warnings when they undertake processes that might increase the value of their stock. They warn stockholders to deal cautiously with their shares in the interim and most of those who heed the caution to wait normally recoup their waiting via increased dividends.

Waiting brings refreshing and time to muse. I have realized that the time I spend waiting enables me to take note of things that I do not normally pay attention to while on the move. Waiting for a meal to be served enables one to read the history and exhortations plastered on the walls(read Nandos ). Waiting makes the mind to appreciate the beauty, splendor and grace afforded us that we rarely appreciate when we rush and bump shoulders .

It is noble not to rush but rather to re-arm, refresh, replenish , refuel and anticipate greater and better things. One has to wait full term to deliver a baby. One that cannot wait suffers an abortion, stillbirth or premature birth and such dreams , goals and or visions normally cost us more to bring to fruition than if we had waited.

Wait………….

I FINALLY DID IT

Today I got to home group late. Late enough to almost be assured I was going to be asked to give the closing prayer when I entered. Late enough to walk into a simmering debate with the Pastor trying to quell, calm, rationalize and stabilize faith and emotions. It appears the group had pointed out how difficult it is to forgive when people hurt us. A senior mother remarked to the Pastor how difficult it is to forgive the woman who stole your husband, happiness, love, joy and at times your health.

But the Pastor was adamant that we ought to FORGIVE as the Lord commanded us to. Everyone pitched in with their non forgivable scenarios done to them and the man of God was on the verge of being swamped. When we thought we had won, he raised his head and clearly stated that in as much as we would want to vaunt our bitter nesses and inability to forgive, the onus is on us to proffer the forgiving hand and move on. 30 minutes pat dismissal time it was still difficult.

But something struck me. It is his last sentence before we left for home. He alluded to the fact that to fail to forgive is akin to harboring an acidic bitterness in our hearts and it is difficult for God to pave a way of light through such darkness. It reminded me of the favorite saying that draws parallels to bitterness being similar to drinking poison and expecting someone else to die!

When I got home, his words really struck me and I finally got it. I picked up the phone and dialed a number I had erased in my phones (but from bitterness it still obtained in my mind). I called the number of a person who hurt me so badly that my faith took a detour. I called a person who cost me so much I cannot quantify in all available terms. I called a person whose pain to me made me at one time to believe that God would forgive me if I took a gun and blew their brains out. I called a person who at their best still saw it good to do me irreparable harm.

I called a person who hurt me so badly it still physically hurts today and most likely will do so till I am interred in the ground barring of course, the occurrence of a miracle.

When they answered I only asked for two minutes and explained that I had come to the realization that my being angry with what they did to me was holding me back and festering an inhibiting bitterness. I told them that despite all the pain, the hurt, the harm, the losses, the humiliation etc I WAS FORGIVING THEM AND THEY WERE NOW FREE TO PURSUE THEIR LIVES WITHOUT THE FEAR OF NQOBILE NCUBE LOOMING OVER THEM AND SEEK REVENGE.

I was met with stunned silence. No slur, no insults, no swearing, no hung up phone. Just silence. 30 seconds later all they could say was ‘THANK YOU’.

When I hung up, a burden lifted. Of course I still bear the physical scars but I have dealt with the bitterness shadow and there is space for more light in my heart.

Tomorrow as the sun rises and as you battle shadows and mountains, pause for a moment and check if the mountains hindering you are not out of bitterness and unforgiving pain. If so, one call, one visit, one sms might heave a mountain away for you. It just did for me.