THE DARK DREADED DAYS
The time when you put your feet up, dim the lights and play that solemn wailing sonata cd that has scratch bumps every 90 seconds, everyone who knows you will be aware that those dark clouds are back.
When those moments hit, no one will return your ‘please call me backs’, no one will answer your calls, no one will return your buzzing, no one will remember they owe you. All people will forget the days of your charity extensions, your sacrifices to them, the nights you spent cold for them to be warm. No one will remember. You would have entered the dark zone and word will be out there in the vine that it has hit you.
When it hits you, you will find yourself pondering how painful life is , you will see only the acid edges of where you have been , you will hate all the people who have come and hurt you , you will hate all that have used you and left you for dead. You will hate yourself for walking the path of honesty when all that overtook you on the left lane are now leading cappuccino and caviar lives.
When all this happens you must be aware that a dark patch has hit you. A dark patch that always will swing across your lane at the least unexpected moment, a dark patch that is seen by all except you. A dark patch that makes the best of friends to give you a detour. A dark patch that will challenge your faith and leave you wondering if cursing God and dying was not a better option.
When it hits you the home will become a house, a resounding four walled apparition jailing you. Going home will be like going to start serving sentence. The amusements will no longer make you laugh. The condiments will no longer oil your throat and boost your appetite. All the beauty of this earth will be a source of pain to you. The beautiful feminine specimens will be reminders of the betrayal, pain, rejection, condemnation and all the bitterness your gall bladder can produce.
When all this happens, storm clouds will be over you, you might take leave of your senses, you might want to emulate Jack the Ripper and decimate every image associated with the one that caused you pain.
Before you lose all sense of reason I urge you to take a step back, breath for a moment, exhale all the noxious hatred pain would have built up in you and re focus. To re- focus means taking away your eyes from the painful shadows that taunt and jab you at every turn , to re- focus means to walk away from the people that expect you to slap them , to re- focus means laughing at pain in the face ,kicking away shadows and walking away from the dungeon.
Tomorrow as the sun rises, you must know that the shadows persist because you walk besides the light trying to avoid the direct overhead x-ray. Walking besides the light creates a parallel farce that brings more pain than comfort. But walking under the light expels the shadows, exorcises the dark zone and frees indeed.
Remember, shadows are made by us walking besides light, but when we stand beneath the light all shadows come under our feet and we have dominion over the damning and haunting shadows. Take your pick – under the light of truth or besides the light ?