My monologues (5)
This Father’s Day thing has me confused now. Here was I sending complimentary messages last Sunday to fellow brothers who are fathers and I get complimentary messages this Sunday( including a call from Princess Michel wishing her dad a happy father’s day) on the same subject matter.
So, the day aside, I find myself honored to be a father. Fatherhood comes in many dimensions but at the end of it the flavour remains the same that of being the father figure. I chose today to monologue only on two types of fatherhood.
- Fatherhood by default
I always jokingly tell my close friends of how I became a father of three at the tender age of twenty-one. My father, Dickson Luke Phindela (may God bless his soul) gave me a jumpstart into responsibility. The moment he confirmed I had a secure job he gave me three children (my sister and two brothers) and told me thence on I was their father.
From thereon I became a father and fatherhood carries the obligation of responsibility. It comes with the onus of carrying the burden of being the figure-head. This onus obliges the figure-head to ensure that all under his care have the best he can provide before he can feed himself. This onus calls upon the figure-head to ensure that those under him or with him are clothed and warm before he can think of his next suit. This form of fatherhood taught me to be selfless and up to today if I have in my hand something that you need more than me I will gladly give it you.
Many brothers have joined fatherhood via this route. Many have assisted siblings go through school, life and through many challenges at the expense of their own education, life and problems. To most fathers by this design the greatest joy has been to see those assisted by them achieve milestones in life and go on to assume fatherhood in some default situations. What joy!!
- Fatherhood by procreation
This arises out of copulation and invariably the circumstances are different. I will not dwell on the situations or circumstances. I will not dwell on the excuses (the condom burst!!). My take is that engaging in the act of sex is an indication of preparedness to tackle the issues that come with it, chiefly in this instance, parenthood.
Whether the creation was a result of a criminal act (read adultery), teenage impulses and impulsive reflexes or whether it was in a marital union and planned for, the inherent issue is that out of the act came a product that rendered fatherhood to someone. The circumstances do not matter; it is the obligation that carries honour. In reverse it implies failure to carry the obligation brings dishonor to the deserter.
After pregnancy the excuses will not matter (we were fooling around!!). What is of significance is the obligation and onus arising out of the act. Fatherhood is not a crime, it is a responsibility that calls on the fathers to exercise a God-given right to provide, protect, nurture and mold a generation that will carry more of our blessings and none of the curses of us the fathers.
Here is a mumbling dedicated to the brothers who have become fathers to their siblings, their own seed, their foster children, their spiritual children and the fatherless. Here is to real men who go beyond being sperm donors by being available fathers. A toast to fatherhood!!