‘I knew this would come. There comes that pain again.’

Solemn words.

Sad words.

But true words.

How often do we find ourselves saying this? How often have we overridden all the flashing signals to indulge ourselves only to start wailing when the reaper brings the bill? How often have we believed that God will drop all that is in His hands and come to see us through and it does not happen? Then we throw tantrums, curse and threaten to end our faith in God.

But whose fault is it? Whose fault is it that we disregarded the warning signs and dove straight into the mud hoping under the surface was sea blue? Whose fault was it that we believed that the past does not matter and that it will not crop up when you are at you happiest and when you would be trusting that you have finally turned the corner?

It is true, with God, the past when forgiven, is forgotten but I have learnt that humanity is still to learn to be like God. This is why as humans we find it easy to put away our discomfitures about someone when we need something from them but when we are done with them we suddenly remember they are not worth our shoes. It is true we overlook weaknesses, fault lines, defects and all sundry when it is in our advantage to do so but instantly cry foul when asked to give a pound of flesh for someone.

One thing I have learnt. I am human. Prone to err. Prone to be judged. Prone to repentance. And because I am human, I have a past, part of which I am not glad of but which is still my past. One thing I have learnt from my past is to never repeat the same mistake, walk with caution and never ignore the warning signals. Now that I have learnt the lesson (at a massive emotional cost) and now that I have turned the corner why am I still being judged with my past and not my present?

History never made a man. How he walks now tells what he is and the potential he has. What makes a man is how strong he is to face his past and walk on when it is easier to keel over and die. What makes us is how we use the past about other people. One wonders how many people we have deeply scarred by failing to be positive about their past when they have shown a zeal to turn the tide?

One sobering thought – how would you feel if it was you facing the music because of a past that you have left?

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